Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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