So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
