my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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