Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
