i think i have herpe
just one?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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