I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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