why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Randomize
