Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
