Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize