Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
