I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You're a waste of cheezeits
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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