Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
