I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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