I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
