I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
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