Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
