it's too hot outside to masturbate.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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