exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
