Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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