I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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