So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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