I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
