He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
