He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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