Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize