Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
