im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
