I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize