so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I love having hate sex.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
