is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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