if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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