New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
