I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
