Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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