he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
