Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
