That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize