I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize