Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
