Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
