The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
