I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
