I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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