is wine microwaveable?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
