I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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