So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
