Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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