I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
