i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
