atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
