I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
