Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Randomize
