We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
