the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize