So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
