Your tits are I can't wait for
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
