Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
