when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
