But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
