just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
