You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize