No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
