Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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