Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
