So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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