Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize