I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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