Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
your like the ambassador to my penis.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
