Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
